Impractical Psychology

I went away last weekend with a couple of people from work to a family farm in the Free State. I decided to blog about these lucky individuals today…well, because you just get to know someone so much better when you spend a little quality time together. You know it is weird to think that you may sit next to someone day in and day out for nine hours (or ten) and never really get to know them. I strongly advocate more company bonding sessions…team building, whatever. Spending time with co-workers outside of the office is highly conducive to a team’s efficiency. Time outside of the work environment allows you to understand a person’s strengths and weaknesses a little better. At the end of the day, people are still subjective creatures and observations may be completely off. But it is a start!

So I decided that I would write about some of my observations of the four individuals I spent the weekend with. Off course, it must be noted that I would not dare to disregard the role alcohol played in aiding the out-of-office bonding and therefore do not judge these individuals for their behavior over the weekend ;o)

I will start off with Mr. Jimpie. Mr. Jimpie was the driver to and from the weekend destination and is highly commendable for his driving skills. So if anyone ever needs a designated driver-he’s your man!
My observations and advice to Jimpie is that drinking brandy and coke a shade below the colour of pinewood is not very good for the furniture (that he couldn’t seem to dodge when walking to and from the bathroom). Neither is that amount of alcohol very useful in keeping that which should not be said, not said. I will not mention the amount or content of disclosure, but let’s just say that Jimpie is a very informative source to have. Jimpie, was however, a pleasure to have on the trip…even if he tried to pressurize me into smoking with him or commented on how he has noticed the level of perkiness of my breasts.

Ok, tough one to follow…but I guess it would be most appropriate to move on to the person I spent the second most amount of time with over the weekend. Princess Candy made a remarkable impression on me over the weekend. She is one of the most gorgeous girls I know…inside and out. She is one of those beautiful girls who are really down to earth. Even though she won’t skip a day without her make-up, she knows how to pull a face and have fun doing it. Princess Candy, Jimpie and I partook in a crazy-eye competition…and she came in a very close second next to me. Even though Candy didn’t get on a horse, or anywhere near one for that matter, she did manage to hold her ground during the paintball match and proved to be a worthy teammate and captain.

Since I still have crazy-eyes on my mind, I will have to mention Gerrit who takes the cake. I did not manage to spend a lot of time with Gerrit over the weekend, but did notice that he is a man with a head on his shoulders and that he is going places. His knowledge and insight exceeds his years and he is a recommendable drinking partner. People tend to underestimate him, but his potential is undeniable and his sense of adventure highly contagious. Although, perhaps not as contagious as the flu. He expressed his disappointment in my lethargic demeanor over the weekend caused by my nemesis, influenza. Because I let him down so badly, I decided that it would only be appropriate to host another weekend on the farm and make it up to him! So Be Warned!!

Last but not least, Ryno was in his element over the weekend as I would suspect. Give him a fire and a beer and he’s happy. What I knew about Ryno that was confirmed over the weekend is that he is in his element when in the great outdoors. He has big dreams and the potential to accomplish them, but I think that the going back to the office on Mondays tends to make him forget that fact. Anyway, Ryno has the habit of going for walks at night when he’s wasted in the bush…so maybe one night he will stumble into a bush pig or something that will talk some sense into him. Hakuna matata, right?

I didn’t think it would be appropriate to comment on myself (will leave that for the commentary box), except to say that I make a mean crazy-eye ;o)

Thank guys and gal…it was a great weekend!

Over the weekend, I made a mistake that I have made numerous times before. Blogging about my mistake seems like a good idea, considering everyone makes a mistake every now and then. From forgetting to pay a bill to sending a sms to the wrong person…I once got an impassive sms from a boyfriend at the wrong time of the month and immediately smssed my best friend to unload all of my frustration with my other half. My sms listed all of his shortcomings in my opinion and how I could clearly see the relationship coming to an end in the very near future. Anyway, after not getting a response from her for a while, I checked my sent messages and realized that I had replied to his message and sent him my “hissy fit” message instead. Anyway, BIG MISTAKE!

The problem with mistakes is that you can’t take them back. Once you decide to take that action you are bound to your decision and your future is affected forever. Think about teenage pregnancies; even those who choose to eradicate the pregnancy, sit with the memory thereof perpetually. I know of many cases where middle aged women still sit with the guilt of an abortion. Pregnancy may be an extreme-case example of a mistake, but forgetting to take out the trash can be just as life changing. Ok, maybe not life changing, but can certainly affect your day. Think about your mother or wife waiting at home for you at the end of the day…

Usually, the average person learns to adjust their actions or choices according to the mistakes they have made in the past. For example, when having a hissy fit, make sure you send your slightly skewed opinions to the right person. Or, when not getting any love from the wifey after forgetting to take out the trash, most men tend to do so in the future. Usually, there’s a consequence that forces a change in behavior. But, what do you do when there is no consequence? When the mistake you make is measured on your personal expectations or aspiration for yourself?

What if your idea of what constitutes a mistake falls into the minority in society? You could be doing what is considered to be normal by society’s standards, and yet fall completely short of your own personal values. The problem is that my values and expectations of myself have changed drastically over the last few months and yet, I still have the same friends and live a similar lifestyle. How can one change ones cognitive definition of what is right and wrong and yet stay consistent in every other facet of life? I guess, what I am trying to tell myself is that I need to adjust my behavior accordingly. I need to rid myself of all the people and things that lead to that which I now consider to be unacceptable behavior.

Over the weekend, I changed one aspect of my behavior and expected everything else to follow. What happened was that the one small modification was overpowered by everything and everyone else and I lost the battle in the end. I feel an enormous sense of guilt for falling into the same trap and being naïve enough to think that my small sacrifice would be sufficient enough to challenge habits that were largely ingrained in my social life and encouraged by friends alike.  

I saw a friend last night I hadn’t seen in over a year. We were best friends in varsity, practically inseparable. When I was alone, people would ask me “how’s Kelly?” and vise versa. Unfortunately though, we drifted apart due to the unexpected turns life takes.  I say unexpected, because I guess I could never have foreseen a life without Kelly in it.

Before life led us into different directions, our relationship could have been compared to the rare bond that sisters ideally share. I believe that when two women laugh together, cry together and pray together on several occasions that they become more like sisters. Kelly was my soul sister. No, we didn’t finish each other’s sentences, but we shared empathy for each other’s trials and tribulations that could only be known to those who are connected by the soul.

Last night, after not seeing her for over a year, she still spoke to my soul in so many ways. It was like we had never been apart. I want to add that we have both grown immensely in the last year, and yet, it was like we had never been apart.

Even though personal growth has been unremitting over the last few months, there have been issues, small issues that I have been struggling with. Some of the issues required a definite decision that I needed to make.  Just being in her company last night goaded a steady path of procrastination to diverge into a meadow of clarity on almost every one of the questions I had plaguing my subconscious. I say almost every one, because it would take more than one evening to resolve every single conflict I had going on in my head!

I know that life’s twists and turns are erratic and that we may not see each other again for months to come, but I now know that if and when we do see each other that it will be like we had never been apart. She is and will always be my soul sister. No matter where live takes us, we will indefinitely be bound by an empathetic understanding that can only be shared by those who have laughed together, cried together and prayed together on several occasions.

Another weekend has come and gone. Mondays usually provide me with a reflection period of what I did or didn’t do the two days before. Usually, this reflection period comes at about the time of the day when I realize just how much it sucks that I’m stuck in an office all day when I was free as a squirrel just 24 hours ago.

Just as I was thinking about my weekend and how fast it flew by; I came upon a Ferris Beuller quote: “the question isn’t what are we going to do, it’s what AREN’T we going to do?” If you had to read that quote twice, don’t worry so did I. It seems to be saying the same thing, but there is a fundamental difference that is alluring.

Every weekend I spend thinking about what I am going to do, I more than likely end up not doing what I wanted to do. I try to leave weekends to do my chores and to fit in some things that I have been wanting to do for a while..like to take my nephew to the zoo. That one has been on my to-do list since his birthday in March! When I don’t get to these things my excuse is usually to blame the fact that the weekend goes by too fast. I guess that’s kind of the equivalent to blaming the stupid things you do on party nights on the infamous beverages consumed prior to uncanny behavior.

So now I’m thinking that if I think about what I’m not going to do instead of what I do want to do, I might actually get somewhere. For example, if I say to myself on Friday that I am not going to sleep past 9am on Saturday, it might change my mind when it comes to that extra drink which turns into 6 which turns into sleeping until 1pm on Saturday. If I say to myself that I will not stay in the house past 12pm on Saturday, I might actually get some chores done.

I think this principle could also work in the long run: if you honestly ask yourself what aren’t you going to do over the weekend, you might realize that if you keep on not doing certain things that you might never end up doing them. If I don’t take my nephew to the zoo this coming Saterday, it might never happen. Or it might not happen till his next birthday! I have also been wanting to go to the Lion Park for some time now..if I keep sleeping till noon every Saterday, I don’t see that happening.

My point is that weekends really do fly by quickly and unfortunately we only realize what we didn’t do over the weekend Monday’s sitting back at our desks. Perhaps thinking about missed opportunities before they are in fact missed, might effect my weekly Monday reflections drastically.

Ok, so apparently I’m not very good at this blogging thing. Thought I had posted a blog post like two weeks ago and only realized that it wasn’t actually showing up on my blog when a coworker asked me when I’m going to start posting.

I’d also like to add that I just learned the difference between a blog and blog post yesterday, when the same coworker gave the office a short blogging 101 lecture. Think he is frustrated by the fact that we are all so ignorant regarding the blogging word. Off course, ignorance about one of the fastest growing trends globally, is not a good thing.

So I am going to try to blog at least once a day. I have spoken to some people who actually dictate a certain time of day in which to blog. Guess it helps to actually stick to it.

I also have to confess that I thought that people who blog don’t have very challenging social lives, and since mine is hectic at the time, I figured I didn’t really have the time to invest in something that didn’t actually seem to benefit me in any way. However, after some though I do beg to differ-with myself. I’ve always wanted to keep a dairy and psychology lecturers always encourage the use of one, but I have never been able to sit down and write random stuff about my day. Didn’t really see the point…but then again, maybe if I get some of the stuff going on in my head down in writing, my day/thoughts/life in general might be less chaotic. Also, if I put my thoughts down in writing, I might actually say something intelligent…hmmm, ok maybe not.

Anyway, hopefully this blog actually publishes and hopefully I stick to my goal of blogging once a day…who knows