Oops..I did it again
Over the weekend, I made a mistake that I have made numerous times before. Blogging about my mistake seems like a good idea, considering everyone makes a mistake every now and then. From forgetting to pay a bill to sending a sms to the wrong person…I once got an impassive sms from a boyfriend at the wrong time of the month and immediately smssed my best friend to unload all of my frustration with my other half. My sms listed all of his shortcomings in my opinion and how I could clearly see the relationship coming to an end in the very near future. Anyway, after not getting a response from her for a while, I checked my sent messages and realized that I had replied to his message and sent him my “hissy fit” message instead. Anyway, BIG MISTAKE!
The problem with mistakes is that you can’t take them back. Once you decide to take that action you are bound to your decision and your future is affected forever. Think about teenage pregnancies; even those who choose to eradicate the pregnancy, sit with the memory thereof perpetually. I know of many cases where middle aged women still sit with the guilt of an abortion. Pregnancy may be an extreme-case example of a mistake, but forgetting to take out the trash can be just as life changing. Ok, maybe not life changing, but can certainly affect your day. Think about your mother or wife waiting at home for you at the end of the day…
Usually, the average person learns to adjust their actions or choices according to the mistakes they have made in the past. For example, when having a hissy fit, make sure you send your slightly skewed opinions to the right person. Or, when not getting any love from the wifey after forgetting to take out the trash, most men tend to do so in the future. Usually, there’s a consequence that forces a change in behavior. But, what do you do when there is no consequence? When the mistake you make is measured on your personal expectations or aspiration for yourself?
What if your idea of what constitutes a mistake falls into the minority in society? You could be doing what is considered to be normal by society’s standards, and yet fall completely short of your own personal values. The problem is that my values and expectations of myself have changed drastically over the last few months and yet, I still have the same friends and live a similar lifestyle. How can one change ones cognitive definition of what is right and wrong and yet stay consistent in every other facet of life? I guess, what I am trying to tell myself is that I need to adjust my behavior accordingly. I need to rid myself of all the people and things that lead to that which I now consider to be unacceptable behavior.
Over the weekend, I changed one aspect of my behavior and expected everything else to follow. What happened was that the one small modification was overpowered by everything and everyone else and I lost the battle in the end. I feel an enormous sense of guilt for falling into the same trap and being naïve enough to think that my small sacrifice would be sufficient enough to challenge habits that were largely ingrained in my social life and encouraged by friends alike.
