Impractical Psychology

I just checked my blog posts for the month of July and realized that I have only posted an average of one blog post per week. So much for trying to blog every day! When I first made that commitment, I didn’t exactly compute weekends into the equation. Even so, I should have had at least fifteen blog posts by now for the month of July. Yes, I know the quality makes up for lack in quantity ;o) but it is still something to take note of. I have spent many hours thinking this dilemma over and pondering why I could have been so distracted, and by hours I mean I the few seconds after I realized I’m seriously lacking in posts! Anyway, all I could come up with was FACEBOOK. Yes, I blame FACEBOOK.

I was one of the pioneers in the office when it came to this new phenomenon and quickly got the hesitant addicted to poking, drawing graffiti and setting up gardens, fish ponds, etc. Just a side note: for those of you, who like me, used to wonder what the heck the point is of poking someone, apparently poking someone allows you to see their profile for a couple of days without being approved as a friend. I believe it says so in the FACEBOOK handbook… So, for all you stalkers out there that seem to be lacking friends, this is your ticket into their private lives! Woohoo!

Consequently, the conversion into FACEBOOK land was not a gradual one. Before I knew it, half of the office was becoming my friends and my boss even started a group. Check it out: The Forge Business Group. We were, however, informed that we were not to use our usual FACEBOOK lingo and were to employ professionalism when communicating within the group. I even went and changed my profile pic because I felt it might be inappropriate! So if any clients were looking to get some grub on the Forge employees….hahahahahah! Wait, can’t they still see our profiles?

And, this brings me to another point. It was fine and dandy when friends from primary and high school became my friends and could view my latestpics, favorite quotes, etc. But it’s a whole different story when your boss can check out the embarrassing pics that friends tag you in at parties or while trying to get out of the shower and what your boyfriend likes to call you on your wall. I mean, I couldn’t exactly deny my boss or only allow him to see my limited profile…ok, I confess. It didn’t exactly occur to me at the time that it would be violating my privacy. I am and have always been a strong believer in separating one’s private and professional lives, but who could have been prepared for FACEBOOK?!

As in most facets of life, one has to give a little to get a little. While privacy is not in the FACEBOOK dictionary, I must say it is fabulous finding some long lost friends and catching up with them. This is especially useful for those who have lived or simply traveled over seas. Numbers and addresses always change, but FACEBOOK is constant ;o) until everybody gets bored of it, that is.

To anyone who didn’t follow the blog due to not knowing what poking, graffiti or tags are:
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN…STILL ON MYSPACE?!

To Candice:

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Over the weekend, I made a mistake that I have made numerous times before. Blogging about my mistake seems like a good idea, considering everyone makes a mistake every now and then. From forgetting to pay a bill to sending a sms to the wrong person…I once got an impassive sms from a boyfriend at the wrong time of the month and immediately smssed my best friend to unload all of my frustration with my other half. My sms listed all of his shortcomings in my opinion and how I could clearly see the relationship coming to an end in the very near future. Anyway, after not getting a response from her for a while, I checked my sent messages and realized that I had replied to his message and sent him my “hissy fit” message instead. Anyway, BIG MISTAKE!

The problem with mistakes is that you can’t take them back. Once you decide to take that action you are bound to your decision and your future is affected forever. Think about teenage pregnancies; even those who choose to eradicate the pregnancy, sit with the memory thereof perpetually. I know of many cases where middle aged women still sit with the guilt of an abortion. Pregnancy may be an extreme-case example of a mistake, but forgetting to take out the trash can be just as life changing. Ok, maybe not life changing, but can certainly affect your day. Think about your mother or wife waiting at home for you at the end of the day…

Usually, the average person learns to adjust their actions or choices according to the mistakes they have made in the past. For example, when having a hissy fit, make sure you send your slightly skewed opinions to the right person. Or, when not getting any love from the wifey after forgetting to take out the trash, most men tend to do so in the future. Usually, there’s a consequence that forces a change in behavior. But, what do you do when there is no consequence? When the mistake you make is measured on your personal expectations or aspiration for yourself?

What if your idea of what constitutes a mistake falls into the minority in society? You could be doing what is considered to be normal by society’s standards, and yet fall completely short of your own personal values. The problem is that my values and expectations of myself have changed drastically over the last few months and yet, I still have the same friends and live a similar lifestyle. How can one change ones cognitive definition of what is right and wrong and yet stay consistent in every other facet of life? I guess, what I am trying to tell myself is that I need to adjust my behavior accordingly. I need to rid myself of all the people and things that lead to that which I now consider to be unacceptable behavior.

Over the weekend, I changed one aspect of my behavior and expected everything else to follow. What happened was that the one small modification was overpowered by everything and everyone else and I lost the battle in the end. I feel an enormous sense of guilt for falling into the same trap and being naïve enough to think that my small sacrifice would be sufficient enough to challenge habits that were largely ingrained in my social life and encouraged by friends alike.  

I saw a friend last night I hadn’t seen in over a year. We were best friends in varsity, practically inseparable. When I was alone, people would ask me “how’s Kelly?” and vise versa. Unfortunately though, we drifted apart due to the unexpected turns life takes.  I say unexpected, because I guess I could never have foreseen a life without Kelly in it.

Before life led us into different directions, our relationship could have been compared to the rare bond that sisters ideally share. I believe that when two women laugh together, cry together and pray together on several occasions that they become more like sisters. Kelly was my soul sister. No, we didn’t finish each other’s sentences, but we shared empathy for each other’s trials and tribulations that could only be known to those who are connected by the soul.

Last night, after not seeing her for over a year, she still spoke to my soul in so many ways. It was like we had never been apart. I want to add that we have both grown immensely in the last year, and yet, it was like we had never been apart.

Even though personal growth has been unremitting over the last few months, there have been issues, small issues that I have been struggling with. Some of the issues required a definite decision that I needed to make.  Just being in her company last night goaded a steady path of procrastination to diverge into a meadow of clarity on almost every one of the questions I had plaguing my subconscious. I say almost every one, because it would take more than one evening to resolve every single conflict I had going on in my head!

I know that life’s twists and turns are erratic and that we may not see each other again for months to come, but I now know that if and when we do see each other that it will be like we had never been apart. She is and will always be my soul sister. No matter where live takes us, we will indefinitely be bound by an empathetic understanding that can only be shared by those who have laughed together, cried together and prayed together on several occasions.

Another weekend has come and gone. Mondays usually provide me with a reflection period of what I did or didn’t do the two days before. Usually, this reflection period comes at about the time of the day when I realize just how much it sucks that I’m stuck in an office all day when I was free as a squirrel just 24 hours ago.

Just as I was thinking about my weekend and how fast it flew by; I came upon a Ferris Beuller quote: “the question isn’t what are we going to do, it’s what AREN’T we going to do?” If you had to read that quote twice, don’t worry so did I. It seems to be saying the same thing, but there is a fundamental difference that is alluring.

Every weekend I spend thinking about what I am going to do, I more than likely end up not doing what I wanted to do. I try to leave weekends to do my chores and to fit in some things that I have been wanting to do for a while..like to take my nephew to the zoo. That one has been on my to-do list since his birthday in March! When I don’t get to these things my excuse is usually to blame the fact that the weekend goes by too fast. I guess that’s kind of the equivalent to blaming the stupid things you do on party nights on the infamous beverages consumed prior to uncanny behavior.

So now I’m thinking that if I think about what I’m not going to do instead of what I do want to do, I might actually get somewhere. For example, if I say to myself on Friday that I am not going to sleep past 9am on Saturday, it might change my mind when it comes to that extra drink which turns into 6 which turns into sleeping until 1pm on Saturday. If I say to myself that I will not stay in the house past 12pm on Saturday, I might actually get some chores done.

I think this principle could also work in the long run: if you honestly ask yourself what aren’t you going to do over the weekend, you might realize that if you keep on not doing certain things that you might never end up doing them. If I don’t take my nephew to the zoo this coming Saterday, it might never happen. Or it might not happen till his next birthday! I have also been wanting to go to the Lion Park for some time now..if I keep sleeping till noon every Saterday, I don’t see that happening.

My point is that weekends really do fly by quickly and unfortunately we only realize what we didn’t do over the weekend Monday’s sitting back at our desks. Perhaps thinking about missed opportunities before they are in fact missed, might effect my weekly Monday reflections drastically.

Went away this weekend and I think I might have caught the bush-bug. No, not the one that gives you a big itchy rash; I have caught a terminal desire to embrace nature’s ambiance.

Haven’t really been away for a while. Last trip I remember was to Mozambique over New Year’s. Moz was great…white beaches, palm trees and tropical cocktails. I spent New Year’s dancing to Bob Marley with sand in between my toes and a fanta grape and gin combo in my hand. The gin was to keep the mozies away from the party, off course.

Usually when I would think about going away, I would picture a tropical island much like Mozambique. My mind would conjure up images of myself lying on the beach, sipping pina coladas…etc, etc. However, after the weekend to the bush, I think I might have changes my “holiday away” mental schema. Now, when I think about upcoming trips and what I’d like to do, I think about exploring the heart of Africa.

I believe the heart of Africa to be the distinctive sounds of animals in the darkness and the soft whispers of a camp fires. Over the weekend, I think I stared at the bush t.v. for longer than I actually spent sleeping. This fact will surprise my family since I am known to sleep anywhere from nine to twelve hours a night. Anyway, back to the fire, my eyes were transfixed to the contours of the flames. There is remarkable insight in the smallest things.

After the twelve hour drive back from Mozambique, I am pretty sure I came back the same person. Two hours away, just outside Hartebeespoort Dam, I somehow became a different being. Don’t ask me how or why I have changed, all I know is that the silence and serenity that I experienced did something to me. Makes me wonder whether the noise contamination in the cities affect people more than they actually realize.

Long term exposure to too much noise can affect one’s general well-being. It has been suggested that something as common as traffic noise can increase one’s chances of heart disease..probably another contributor to my mental and psychological state upon return from the bush. Even on weekends when I am not sitting in traffic on the way to work, I am probably sitting in traffic at some shopping centre.

Think about going shopping on the weekend: it’s supposed to be a recreational activity. Dictionary.com defines recreation as “a pastime, diversion, exercise, or other resource affording relaxation and enjoyment.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but this particular recreational activity leaves me feeling exhausted and irritable. Personally I used to blame the queues, but now I’m starting to think it has a lot to do with the high noise levels.

I know there’s not a hell of a lot we can do about the noise in the cities. In fact, it just seems to be getting worse, but at least now I know that it makes a recognizable difference just to get away from it all. Going to a tropical island might be a good destination choice, but to me true holistic relaxation lies in the insignia of a fire in the bush and the silence that can only be provided by the heart of Africa.