Impractical Psychology

A friend that a recently met commented on my blog today. My response was: “wow, how did you find it?”.

I am embarrassed to say that I completely forgot about my little blog. It started as a project while in the employment of my previous company, but today I realize that I have actually missed being able to illustrate my thoughts with words whenever the soul called for it.

Time is not patient and rarely allows me the luxury of delving into my heart’s hidden thoughts, and in a way that makes me out of touch with myself. According to my religious beliefs, I am supposed to take every Sunday to meditate on the week past and to reflect on the things that seem to hide in between the lines of our daily inter- and intra-personal communication.

I used the words supposed to, because as you can deduce, I rarely do utilize a Sunday for this purpose. Sundays seem to come and go just like every other day of the week. It makes me wonder how many moments are lost in this mirage we call living.

If I had to give a percentage to the things that are most important to me and then allocate time given to those things, I think I would come exceedingly short. Look, it’s not as if I am going to quite my job tomorrow. Perhaps my subconscious is just telling me that it is time (literally) to reflect on what I have been doing and more importantly, what I have untimely missed out on.

I think it’s time for a little vacation…

I went away last weekend with a couple of people from work to a family farm in the Free State. I decided to blog about these lucky individuals today…well, because you just get to know someone so much better when you spend a little quality time together. You know it is weird to think that you may sit next to someone day in and day out for nine hours (or ten) and never really get to know them. I strongly advocate more company bonding sessions…team building, whatever. Spending time with co-workers outside of the office is highly conducive to a team’s efficiency. Time outside of the work environment allows you to understand a person’s strengths and weaknesses a little better. At the end of the day, people are still subjective creatures and observations may be completely off. But it is a start!

So I decided that I would write about some of my observations of the four individuals I spent the weekend with. Off course, it must be noted that I would not dare to disregard the role alcohol played in aiding the out-of-office bonding and therefore do not judge these individuals for their behavior over the weekend ;o)

I will start off with Mr. Jimpie. Mr. Jimpie was the driver to and from the weekend destination and is highly commendable for his driving skills. So if anyone ever needs a designated driver-he’s your man!
My observations and advice to Jimpie is that drinking brandy and coke a shade below the colour of pinewood is not very good for the furniture (that he couldn’t seem to dodge when walking to and from the bathroom). Neither is that amount of alcohol very useful in keeping that which should not be said, not said. I will not mention the amount or content of disclosure, but let’s just say that Jimpie is a very informative source to have. Jimpie, was however, a pleasure to have on the trip…even if he tried to pressurize me into smoking with him or commented on how he has noticed the level of perkiness of my breasts.

Ok, tough one to follow…but I guess it would be most appropriate to move on to the person I spent the second most amount of time with over the weekend. Princess Candy made a remarkable impression on me over the weekend. She is one of the most gorgeous girls I know…inside and out. She is one of those beautiful girls who are really down to earth. Even though she won’t skip a day without her make-up, she knows how to pull a face and have fun doing it. Princess Candy, Jimpie and I partook in a crazy-eye competition…and she came in a very close second next to me. Even though Candy didn’t get on a horse, or anywhere near one for that matter, she did manage to hold her ground during the paintball match and proved to be a worthy teammate and captain.

Since I still have crazy-eyes on my mind, I will have to mention Gerrit who takes the cake. I did not manage to spend a lot of time with Gerrit over the weekend, but did notice that he is a man with a head on his shoulders and that he is going places. His knowledge and insight exceeds his years and he is a recommendable drinking partner. People tend to underestimate him, but his potential is undeniable and his sense of adventure highly contagious. Although, perhaps not as contagious as the flu. He expressed his disappointment in my lethargic demeanor over the weekend caused by my nemesis, influenza. Because I let him down so badly, I decided that it would only be appropriate to host another weekend on the farm and make it up to him! So Be Warned!!

Last but not least, Ryno was in his element over the weekend as I would suspect. Give him a fire and a beer and he’s happy. What I knew about Ryno that was confirmed over the weekend is that he is in his element when in the great outdoors. He has big dreams and the potential to accomplish them, but I think that the going back to the office on Mondays tends to make him forget that fact. Anyway, Ryno has the habit of going for walks at night when he’s wasted in the bush…so maybe one night he will stumble into a bush pig or something that will talk some sense into him. Hakuna matata, right?

I didn’t think it would be appropriate to comment on myself (will leave that for the commentary box), except to say that I make a mean crazy-eye ;o)

Thank guys and gal…it was a great weekend!

I just checked my blog posts for the month of July and realized that I have only posted an average of one blog post per week. So much for trying to blog every day! When I first made that commitment, I didn’t exactly compute weekends into the equation. Even so, I should have had at least fifteen blog posts by now for the month of July. Yes, I know the quality makes up for lack in quantity ;o) but it is still something to take note of. I have spent many hours thinking this dilemma over and pondering why I could have been so distracted, and by hours I mean I the few seconds after I realized I’m seriously lacking in posts! Anyway, all I could come up with was FACEBOOK. Yes, I blame FACEBOOK.

I was one of the pioneers in the office when it came to this new phenomenon and quickly got the hesitant addicted to poking, drawing graffiti and setting up gardens, fish ponds, etc. Just a side note: for those of you, who like me, used to wonder what the heck the point is of poking someone, apparently poking someone allows you to see their profile for a couple of days without being approved as a friend. I believe it says so in the FACEBOOK handbook… So, for all you stalkers out there that seem to be lacking friends, this is your ticket into their private lives! Woohoo!

Consequently, the conversion into FACEBOOK land was not a gradual one. Before I knew it, half of the office was becoming my friends and my boss even started a group. Check it out: The Forge Business Group. We were, however, informed that we were not to use our usual FACEBOOK lingo and were to employ professionalism when communicating within the group. I even went and changed my profile pic because I felt it might be inappropriate! So if any clients were looking to get some grub on the Forge employees….hahahahahah! Wait, can’t they still see our profiles?

And, this brings me to another point. It was fine and dandy when friends from primary and high school became my friends and could view my latestpics, favorite quotes, etc. But it’s a whole different story when your boss can check out the embarrassing pics that friends tag you in at parties or while trying to get out of the shower and what your boyfriend likes to call you on your wall. I mean, I couldn’t exactly deny my boss or only allow him to see my limited profile…ok, I confess. It didn’t exactly occur to me at the time that it would be violating my privacy. I am and have always been a strong believer in separating one’s private and professional lives, but who could have been prepared for FACEBOOK?!

As in most facets of life, one has to give a little to get a little. While privacy is not in the FACEBOOK dictionary, I must say it is fabulous finding some long lost friends and catching up with them. This is especially useful for those who have lived or simply traveled over seas. Numbers and addresses always change, but FACEBOOK is constant ;o) until everybody gets bored of it, that is.

To anyone who didn’t follow the blog due to not knowing what poking, graffiti or tags are:
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN…STILL ON MYSPACE?!

To Candice:

Pokepokepoke
Poke�����.poke
Poke������poke
Poke������.poke
Poke������poke
Poke�����..poke
Poke poke poke
Poke
Poke
Poke
Poke

���.Pokepoke
�.Poke����Poke
Poke������.Poke
Poke������.Poke
Poke������.Poke
Poke������.Poke
Poke������.Poke
Poke������.Poke
Poke������.Poke
�.Poke����.Poke
���.Pokepoke

Poke�����..Poke
Poke����..Poke
Poke���. Poke
Poke��.Poke
Poke�Poke
Pokepoke
Poke�Poke
Poke��Poke
Poke���Poke
Poke����.Poke
Poke�����..Poke

Pokepokepokepokepoke
Pokepokepokepokepoke
Poke
Poke
Pokepokepoke
Pokepokepoke
Poke
Poke
Pokepokepokepokepoke
Pokepokepokepokepoke

Over the weekend, I made a mistake that I have made numerous times before. Blogging about my mistake seems like a good idea, considering everyone makes a mistake every now and then. From forgetting to pay a bill to sending a sms to the wrong person…I once got an impassive sms from a boyfriend at the wrong time of the month and immediately smssed my best friend to unload all of my frustration with my other half. My sms listed all of his shortcomings in my opinion and how I could clearly see the relationship coming to an end in the very near future. Anyway, after not getting a response from her for a while, I checked my sent messages and realized that I had replied to his message and sent him my “hissy fit” message instead. Anyway, BIG MISTAKE!

The problem with mistakes is that you can’t take them back. Once you decide to take that action you are bound to your decision and your future is affected forever. Think about teenage pregnancies; even those who choose to eradicate the pregnancy, sit with the memory thereof perpetually. I know of many cases where middle aged women still sit with the guilt of an abortion. Pregnancy may be an extreme-case example of a mistake, but forgetting to take out the trash can be just as life changing. Ok, maybe not life changing, but can certainly affect your day. Think about your mother or wife waiting at home for you at the end of the day…

Usually, the average person learns to adjust their actions or choices according to the mistakes they have made in the past. For example, when having a hissy fit, make sure you send your slightly skewed opinions to the right person. Or, when not getting any love from the wifey after forgetting to take out the trash, most men tend to do so in the future. Usually, there’s a consequence that forces a change in behavior. But, what do you do when there is no consequence? When the mistake you make is measured on your personal expectations or aspiration for yourself?

What if your idea of what constitutes a mistake falls into the minority in society? You could be doing what is considered to be normal by society’s standards, and yet fall completely short of your own personal values. The problem is that my values and expectations of myself have changed drastically over the last few months and yet, I still have the same friends and live a similar lifestyle. How can one change ones cognitive definition of what is right and wrong and yet stay consistent in every other facet of life? I guess, what I am trying to tell myself is that I need to adjust my behavior accordingly. I need to rid myself of all the people and things that lead to that which I now consider to be unacceptable behavior.

Over the weekend, I changed one aspect of my behavior and expected everything else to follow. What happened was that the one small modification was overpowered by everything and everyone else and I lost the battle in the end. I feel an enormous sense of guilt for falling into the same trap and being naïve enough to think that my small sacrifice would be sufficient enough to challenge habits that were largely ingrained in my social life and encouraged by friends alike.  

I saw a friend last night I hadn’t seen in over a year. We were best friends in varsity, practically inseparable. When I was alone, people would ask me “how’s Kelly?” and vise versa. Unfortunately though, we drifted apart due to the unexpected turns life takes.  I say unexpected, because I guess I could never have foreseen a life without Kelly in it.

Before life led us into different directions, our relationship could have been compared to the rare bond that sisters ideally share. I believe that when two women laugh together, cry together and pray together on several occasions that they become more like sisters. Kelly was my soul sister. No, we didn’t finish each other’s sentences, but we shared empathy for each other’s trials and tribulations that could only be known to those who are connected by the soul.

Last night, after not seeing her for over a year, she still spoke to my soul in so many ways. It was like we had never been apart. I want to add that we have both grown immensely in the last year, and yet, it was like we had never been apart.

Even though personal growth has been unremitting over the last few months, there have been issues, small issues that I have been struggling with. Some of the issues required a definite decision that I needed to make.  Just being in her company last night goaded a steady path of procrastination to diverge into a meadow of clarity on almost every one of the questions I had plaguing my subconscious. I say almost every one, because it would take more than one evening to resolve every single conflict I had going on in my head!

I know that life’s twists and turns are erratic and that we may not see each other again for months to come, but I now know that if and when we do see each other that it will be like we had never been apart. She is and will always be my soul sister. No matter where live takes us, we will indefinitely be bound by an empathetic understanding that can only be shared by those who have laughed together, cried together and prayed together on several occasions.

Another weekend has come and gone. Mondays usually provide me with a reflection period of what I did or didn’t do the two days before. Usually, this reflection period comes at about the time of the day when I realize just how much it sucks that I’m stuck in an office all day when I was free as a squirrel just 24 hours ago.

Just as I was thinking about my weekend and how fast it flew by; I came upon a Ferris Beuller quote: “the question isn’t what are we going to do, it’s what AREN’T we going to do?” If you had to read that quote twice, don’t worry so did I. It seems to be saying the same thing, but there is a fundamental difference that is alluring.

Every weekend I spend thinking about what I am going to do, I more than likely end up not doing what I wanted to do. I try to leave weekends to do my chores and to fit in some things that I have been wanting to do for a while..like to take my nephew to the zoo. That one has been on my to-do list since his birthday in March! When I don’t get to these things my excuse is usually to blame the fact that the weekend goes by too fast. I guess that’s kind of the equivalent to blaming the stupid things you do on party nights on the infamous beverages consumed prior to uncanny behavior.

So now I’m thinking that if I think about what I’m not going to do instead of what I do want to do, I might actually get somewhere. For example, if I say to myself on Friday that I am not going to sleep past 9am on Saturday, it might change my mind when it comes to that extra drink which turns into 6 which turns into sleeping until 1pm on Saturday. If I say to myself that I will not stay in the house past 12pm on Saturday, I might actually get some chores done.

I think this principle could also work in the long run: if you honestly ask yourself what aren’t you going to do over the weekend, you might realize that if you keep on not doing certain things that you might never end up doing them. If I don’t take my nephew to the zoo this coming Saterday, it might never happen. Or it might not happen till his next birthday! I have also been wanting to go to the Lion Park for some time now..if I keep sleeping till noon every Saterday, I don’t see that happening.

My point is that weekends really do fly by quickly and unfortunately we only realize what we didn’t do over the weekend Monday’s sitting back at our desks. Perhaps thinking about missed opportunities before they are in fact missed, might effect my weekly Monday reflections drastically.

Went away this weekend and I think I might have caught the bush-bug. No, not the one that gives you a big itchy rash; I have caught a terminal desire to embrace nature’s ambiance.

Haven’t really been away for a while. Last trip I remember was to Mozambique over New Year’s. Moz was great…white beaches, palm trees and tropical cocktails. I spent New Year’s dancing to Bob Marley with sand in between my toes and a fanta grape and gin combo in my hand. The gin was to keep the mozies away from the party, off course.

Usually when I would think about going away, I would picture a tropical island much like Mozambique. My mind would conjure up images of myself lying on the beach, sipping pina coladas…etc, etc. However, after the weekend to the bush, I think I might have changes my “holiday away” mental schema. Now, when I think about upcoming trips and what I’d like to do, I think about exploring the heart of Africa.

I believe the heart of Africa to be the distinctive sounds of animals in the darkness and the soft whispers of a camp fires. Over the weekend, I think I stared at the bush t.v. for longer than I actually spent sleeping. This fact will surprise my family since I am known to sleep anywhere from nine to twelve hours a night. Anyway, back to the fire, my eyes were transfixed to the contours of the flames. There is remarkable insight in the smallest things.

After the twelve hour drive back from Mozambique, I am pretty sure I came back the same person. Two hours away, just outside Hartebeespoort Dam, I somehow became a different being. Don’t ask me how or why I have changed, all I know is that the silence and serenity that I experienced did something to me. Makes me wonder whether the noise contamination in the cities affect people more than they actually realize.

Long term exposure to too much noise can affect one’s general well-being. It has been suggested that something as common as traffic noise can increase one’s chances of heart disease..probably another contributor to my mental and psychological state upon return from the bush. Even on weekends when I am not sitting in traffic on the way to work, I am probably sitting in traffic at some shopping centre.

Think about going shopping on the weekend: it’s supposed to be a recreational activity. Dictionary.com defines recreation as “a pastime, diversion, exercise, or other resource affording relaxation and enjoyment.” I don’t know about the rest of you, but this particular recreational activity leaves me feeling exhausted and irritable. Personally I used to blame the queues, but now I’m starting to think it has a lot to do with the high noise levels.

I know there’s not a hell of a lot we can do about the noise in the cities. In fact, it just seems to be getting worse, but at least now I know that it makes a recognizable difference just to get away from it all. Going to a tropical island might be a good destination choice, but to me true holistic relaxation lies in the insignia of a fire in the bush and the silence that can only be provided by the heart of Africa.

Had a few drinks last night and I’m feeling less than ok today. I didn’t even go out; just sat and had a good chat over a few glasses of wine. Sitting at work today, I feel less than motivated and frankly lethargic. Usually when I’m in this state of mind my thoughts wonder and I got to thinking about the one tiny fact people always tend to ignore when it comes to alcohol- it’s a depressant. What does that mean anyway? It’s not like you sit in sulk in a dark corner after having a couple of beers. Ok, if you do do that, then you should seriously see a mental health professional.

Usually, we count on the fact that the glass of wine or beer in our hands is going to do the exact opposite. Instead of decreasing our drive, alcohol causes elation and a fabulous sense of euphoria- when drunk in beautifully correct amounts, off course. My poison is and will probably always be tequila. Yes, Jose and I have had some great bonding experiences. After a few tequilas, the world is my oyster. My personality escalates along with the pitch of my voice and I feel like Angelina Jolie- without the offspring!

Anyway, getting back to the point, I realized that the depression only hits the next day. I know this seems like common sense but I believe this observation to be quite a discovery, especially considering the fact that my brain is on retirement today. I feel irritable, indolent, moody and highly sensitive. I am taking the slightest comment personally and feel absolutely unmotivated. Lifting a coffee cup to my mouth is effort! I’m sure a lot of people feel one or more of these symptoms after a hard night of partying and the funny thing is that everything I listed is characteristic of depression.

Alcohol is a depressant because it depresses the brain and the nervous system. Brain suppression would probably explain the lack of social inhibition and stress. It is said that alcohol has a biphasic effect, which means that the effect that it has on you changes over time. Some people know that one minute you can feel great and the next have your head in a toilet contemplating death over the vertigo and nausea. Ironically, in small doses it actually stimulates your brain. However, what goes up must come down. Last night I felt great-today, not so much.

To conclude this post, here are some facts for you:

Hangovers are usually a result of dehydration, so the best way to cure one is to drink water before you go to bed and then again continually the next day. For those of you who faithfully stick to your hangover remedy, you might wana try drinking less because it’s not gonna make any difference the next day!

Taken from the Wikipedia:
“The severity of a hangover also depends on the effects of the byproducts of the fermentation process that brings out the taste and aroma of the beverage, also known as congeners.”
In order of prevalence, congeners are highest in brandy, wine (red), rum, whiskey, wine (white), gin and lastly vodka.

Lastly, animals get drunk too:

“Bees or yellow jackets cannot fly well after having drunk the juice of overripe fruits or berries.
Bears have been seen to stagger and fall down after eating fermented honey.
Birds often crash or fly haphazardly while intoxicated on ethanol that occurs naturally as free-floating microorganisms convert vegetable carbohydrates to alcohol.”

A lot happened to me over the weekend; things that have been playing over and over in my mind, things that I would like to blog about. However, I’m not so sure I’d want my mother or my boss, who just recently spotted my blog, to read about it.

That’s the funny thing about blogging or anything else in life for that matter; where do you draw the line? I’ve read some blog posts where people lay their hearts out for the whole world to see. Now I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to write about how I cry myself to sleep every night after a horrible breakup and actually have my ex or his obnoxious friends reading about it. How sad. That’s exactly how I felt as I read some blog post about a girl completely crushed by her former lover. Not only did she mention how she cries herself to sleep, but also how she phones him and hangs up just to hear his voice every now and then. Ok, now that’s just stupid. Then again, maybe she’s one of those stalker type ex-girlfriends who actually want their object of affection to know that they are being tormented by the fact that they are not spending every waking moment with that person.

Either way, I still believe that some people reveal way too much on their posts. Unlike a diary, blogging is open to the entire world, and posting that you cry yourself to sleep after having your heart torn open is kinda like putting a big billboard with the words “I still love you even though you treated me like crap” right outside your ex-boyfriend’s window-with a picture to go with it

So, now I’m back to where I started. So much to say, yet I guess I’d rather not. I will, however, divulge that if anyone ever tells me again that men are “not that complicated”, I will pull their hair out and make them eat it with full cream milk and chop sticks. Why full cream milk you ask…because by that time I will own a dairy! Now you can draw all the conclusions you want…

I know, I know. I didn’t post yesterday. Poor start to my goal of blogging once a day. On my way to work I decided to blog twice today to make up for skipping a day, but I don’t think I am going to have the time to do that either.

Anyway, so I know that at least one person was reading with his eyes open on Wednesday. Yes, I did write that I have always wanted to keep a dairy and that psychologists recommended it. I mean, why wouldn’t they? A life consisting of milking cows, or buffalo, as someone else suggested has got to be less stressful than my life at the moment. If a dairy owner had to blog, I wonder what he or she would blog about…hmmm, juicy content I bet

If someone knows of a dairy owner that blogs, please post the URL!

Now back to reading with your eyes open: The eagle-eye prize of the day goes to Junaid (no last name), otherwise known as anonymous. Yes, Mr. Anonymous was identified when he blatantly suggested I invest in a cow from a few cubicles over in the office. He then proceeded to suggest that I use my blog, more specifically my blog post, as a platform to start a Dairy Affiliate Program. Another Affiliate Marketing visionary!

I am not going to say too much regarding this comment..Who knows, I might just want to start a dairy affiliate program one day I will say more regarding his sarcastic comment on my post. Human visual perception is so designed that the average person will easily pass over such a miniscule grammatical error and by nature reorganizes the incorrect semantic meaning via continuity. However, someone with Junaid’s personality characteristics will tend to scan things such as other’s spelling and/or syntax in order to boost their own ego off of the backs of others’ innocent mistakes.

So to the public, a word of advice: next time you pass Junaid, whether it be in the office, on the street or any other wrong place/wrong time scenario with a newly intrusive zit formulating on your face, you might want to cover it up by pretending to sneeze or by pretending to accidentally hit yourself in the face. Even a blow to the face will do less damage than having an imperfection pointed out by Mr. “Eagle Eye”.

Consider yourself warned!